I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
