I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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