also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
