i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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