One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
