It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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