I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
