I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
