Please, let me fuck your mom
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
