our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
