my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
