Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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