I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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