i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
