So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
