ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
