she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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