how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
