the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Mom said you looked used
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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