One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
