I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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