I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
