that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
