you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
