hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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