And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
