What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
