Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
