I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
