Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
