I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
