the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
