honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
