bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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