my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
