"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
