I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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