I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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