the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
