please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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