6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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