I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
