i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
