Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
