Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
