my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
