Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
