I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
