don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
