Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
