I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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