By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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