It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Houston, we have a blender
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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