she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
