Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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