im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
