im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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