i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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