Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
