Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
