You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
