Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
