I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
dude. I can hear the air.
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