Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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