I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
