that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
