If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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