We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
