We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
