Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
