And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
