wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
