I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
