Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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