let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
