We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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