Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can you bring me the toilet please
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
