I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
