Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
