Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
