Joe is yelling at the trees again.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
