K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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