Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
