John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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