Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
