And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
