Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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