Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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