8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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