My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
