I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
