in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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