I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize