This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
