it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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