I love black thongs
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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