i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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