doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
