& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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