do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
