these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize