Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
