I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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