I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
