We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
