She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
