I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
