I hate your face
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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