She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
