hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
