dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Dicks are not precious.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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