YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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