Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
