GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
