Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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