i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
