You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
