She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
