dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
