By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
