I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
