Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
