Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
