tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
