Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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