i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
