Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sorry about my life...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
