I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
